Tom Swiftlys Redux, Part Deux

TOM SWIFTLYS REDUX, ROUND TWO

Here again, to commence, are five “punny” warm-up problems.  Your mission, should you be able to accept it, is to fill in the blank with an appropriate pun-word.

(1) A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, “A beer, please, and one for the ____________.”
(2) Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.  One says, “I’ve lost my electron.”  The other says, “Are you sure?”  The first replies, “Yes, I’m ______________.”
(3) A man went to a store the other day to buy some camouflage trousers, but he couldn’t ____________________.
(4) A three-legged dog came into a bar and started biting and clawing and barking up a storm at the patrons.  Finally they sent for the sheriff, who managed to corner and calm the dog.  Then he asked, “What is the matter with you, anyway?”  The dog answers, “I’m looking for the guy that ________________.”
(5) Medical doctors at a research hospital were assigned the task of finding a new treatment for constipation.  One learned from a friend about a witch doctor in the South American jungle who used some remedy that was apparently highly successful.  He returned triumphantly with a bundle of ferns. Skeptically, his fellow researchers said, “How can you be sure that this will work?”  Replied the researcher, “With __________ like these, who needs ________________?”

And now, ten more “Tom Swiftly” challenges: Try first to supply an adverb that fits the situation set up in Tom’s sentence.  Your choice may be as good or better than mine.  To completely satisfy your curiosity, choose for any incomplete problems an adverb from the list following the sentences.
(6)   “Nurse, if you look real hard on that table, you just might find me the right scalpel,” said Dr. Tom ____________________.
(7) “Sally, if I told you you had a great body, would you hold it against me?”  asked Tom _______________.”
(8) “Just look at how the steeple on that Congregational Church reaches toward Heaven,” observed Tom ______________.
(9) “Wow!  Is my bladder full!  Where’s the Men’s Room?”  queried Tom ______________.
(10) “I sure could use another nip of that orange Gatorade,” hinted Tom ________________.
(11) “When I grow up, I’m going to have the biggest, best car in Springfield,” said Tom _________________.
(12) “I just can’t figure out how they got that little Jessica McClure out of that old well in Midland,” pondered Tom ________________.
(13) “Bozo’s dug a hole under that fence, and I can’t find him!” whined Tom ______________.
(14) “Look out!  That grizzly’s getting our groceries out of the Suburban, warned Tom ______________.
(15) “Gee, I hope Mom put my in-line skates in this beautiful little box,” said Tom ________________.
Here are the adverbs that I used in these sentences, in random order:
yearningly     lustily     petulantly         raptly     intently     cuttingly      deeply     insipidly     inspiringly     wantonly

Have some fun!  I’ll post an answer key in a few days
P.S.  Shall we have a “blogger breakfast” a week from today?  That would be January 29.

RJR

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4 Responses to “Tom Swiftlys Redux, Part Deux”

  1. Number Two Says:

    Punchlines!
    (1) road
    (2) positive
    (3)
    (4) shot my paw
    (5) fronds, enemas

    Swiftlys!
    (6) cuttingly
    (7) lustily
    (8) inspiringly
    (9) yearningly
    (10) insipidly
    (11) wantonly
    (12) deeply
    (13) petulantly
    (14) intently
    (15) raptly

  2. Tammy Stephens Says:

    Sounds good! Just let me know when and where.

  3. D. Says:

    Puns

    1. road
    2. helium
    3. find any (?)
    4. ?
    5. ?

    Tom Swiftly

    6. cuttingly
    7. lustily
    8. inspiringly
    9. intently
    10. insipidly
    11. wantonly
    12. deeply
    13. petulantly
    14. wantonly
    15. raptly

    I won’t be able to attend this blogger’s breakfast this time. Perhaps the next one. 🙂

  4. Clayton Goerdel Says:

    Very good post. I’ve found your site via Yahoo and I’m really glad about the information you provide in your articles. Btw your blogs layout is really messed up on the Kmelon browser. Would be really great if you could fix that. Anyhow keep up the great work!

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