Man, Er, Rather Bear, Walks into a Bar

        Not a three-legged dog, or a parrot, or a gorilla this time.  And certainly not a man, who is the usual focus of that clever story that begins “A man goes into a bar . . . .”

This one you may have come across before. I like it for the clever alliterative patterns.   Alliteration, as you surely know or remember, was the structural basis for Old English or Anglo-Saxon verse, as with “Beowulf”; the story following, though, would not be as amusing were Beowulf, rather than the bear, the central character, the antagonist to the bartender’s protagonist.  Anyway, here is the story, as recently sent to me (probably for a second time) by Champaign Bob, my first cousin,  my elder,  and my better.

A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana, and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his right paw and demands a beer.  The bartender approaches and says,  “Look, we don’t serve beer to bears in bars in Billings.”                                                   The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.                                                                                               The bartender tells him again, more forcefully,  “We don’t serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings.”                    The bear, very angry now, says,  “If you don’t serve me a beer, I am going to eat that woman sitting at the end of the bar.”                                                                                                   The bartender retorts,  “Sorry, we don’t serve beer to belligerent and bully bears in Billings.”                                        The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman.  He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.                                                                                                  The bartender states confidently,  “Sorry, but we especially don’t serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in Billings who are drug users.”                                                                               The bear looks at him quizzically and says,  “I am not on drugs.”                                                                                               The bartender looks steadily and severely at him and says, “You are now.  That was a barbitchyouate.”

Can you top that one?

RJR